The Lost Forties: You Snooze You Lose

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The Lost Forties: You Snooze You Lose

I’m starting to believe there’s no such thing as a soul-mate. Not a ready-made one anyway. It seems to me that being soul mates is something both individuals must meticulously work on.

Anyway, I digress.  Here’s a summary of my dating activities during the past couple of weeks.


Wednesday, 10th October: 7am

Have the most bizarre convo on a dating platform called Hinge. But before I roll-out the convo, I should explain how Hinge works. Each person is given an opportunity on their profile to say something quirky, goofy, funny, interesting, or even nerdy about themselves. In other words, are you courageous enough to just be yourself – quirks and all?

I think it’s a wonderful concept as it separates fair maidens with actual character from fair ones with little substance. You know what I mean, right? – the perfect looking ladies in sumptuous surroundings, with stylish hobbies and the most picturesque travel destinations. Such individuals can not only damage one’s wallet but are dangerous to one’s general health and wellbeing; unless of-course you’re a multi-millionaire with more money than sense.

Anyway, back to the convo. This very attractive woman sends me a like thingy, and on receiving it I see from one of her statements about herself that she’s a big Peaky Blinders fan. As a big fan of Peaky Blinders, I’m instantly interested. Here’s what transpired.

Me: “I see you’re a big Peaky Blinders fan”

Her: “Yes, I love Peaky Blinders. Just finished watching season 5.”

Me: “Really, is it on Netflix?”

There is a long pause after this question; quite possibly because she’s feeling a little embarrassed by the fact that she watched it on a pirate site. Not that I give a hoot, but I can only guess she may be worried that I might not be impressed. Anyway – never get the answer to that particular question.

After several minutes I decide to ease her out of her uneasy state of embarrassment by moving the convo on.

Me: “Is it a good season?”

Her: “Yes, it’s a fantastic season. Really enjoyed it.”

Me: “Awesome! Can’t wait to see it.

Her: “Where are you from?”

Me: I’m originally from Nigeria. Judging by your question, I’m guessing you’re either Nigerian or have Nigerian friends.  

Loooooooooooooooong pause

Her: “No. I’m from the Caribbean”

Me: “Oh, so sorry for my presumption. Please accept my sincerest apology.”

Another long pause – one that never actually ends.

That was it. End of conversation. Gone like the wind.


Monday, 15th October: 8.30pm’ish

My first date and I decide to swap numbers. For the sake of clarity, I will now refer to her as Ms. Z.

Tuesday, 16th October: 8pm’ish

Very nice chat on WhatsApp with Ms. Z. I think I’m starting to really like her. She makes me laugh and is so open – very refreshing. Yep, definitely starting to like her more and more. And we make plans to speak on the phone on Wednesday evening. Can’t wait! I go to bed feeling all happy on the inside.

Wednesday, 17th October: 9.10pm

Where on earth did an hour and ten minutes go? Can’t believe I’ve just been chatting on the phone with Ms. Z for over an hour. I know some of you may not think that’s a big deal but for me it’s huge! To help you understand why, permit me to explain my somewhat regimental nature.

  1. I love my ‘me’ time – a little too much if I’m honest.
  2. I’m a man of routine, and hence like to do certain things at specific times during weekday evenings. A particular time to read, a specific hour to watch at least one episode of whatever series I’m watching, a certain time to brush my teeth, and a particular time to pray before going to bed. Not only has this lady scattered it all, but I’m not even the slightest bit irritated. Rather, I’m positively glowing with glee!
  3. I’m not much of a phone person, and hence not prone to talking for the sake of talking. Once I feel whatever needs to be said or heard has been accomplished, I tend to completely lose interest in the conversation and wait for an opportune moment to politely end the call.

So, for me to speak with someone on the phone for over an hour is not only shocking, but positively cataclysmic!! Never happened before!

Oh yes, and we arrange to meet again on Saturday – this time for a long walk in the park. So good to meet a someone that enjoys long walks.

Could this get any better??

Could Ms. Z be the one?

Thursday 18th October: 5.30pm

An old school friend tells me about her nightmare online dating experience. In a nutshell, after building some good rapport with a chap she met online and subsequently meeting-up with him a couple of times, she finds out he’s married with a child! And I mean properly married – not going through separation or experiencing marital challenges but happily married – at least as far as his wife is concerned.

I’m no angel, but I confess to being horrified when I hear this sorry tale. In-fact I’m so upset that I encourage her to hash-out a plan to scare the living day-lights out of the individual by telling him she has a sexually transmitted disease – just to make him sweat a little for forty-eight hours or so. But she quite rightly decides against it so as not to destroy his family. She has a point.

Shouldn’t online dating sites have systems / processes that eliminate chances of such dastardly behaviour?? The fact they don’t suggests they simply couldn’t care less.

Saturday 20th October: 7am

I receive my very first message from a female admirer on Bumble. How exciting!!  She’s pretty, and I’m impressed with her somewhat courageous message, but somehow manage to refrain from replying.


Because it doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to be one of those people that’s chatting with several different ladies at once. Just doesn’t seem right or fair to the other person; even though I know it’s what everyone’s doing. But for me, no; goes against everything I believe in. I should at least see how the second date goes first. Plus, I heard a story of an unfortunate young chap who went on two dates inside twenty-four hours with two ladies who knew each other. What are the chances of that happening??? Not taking the risk. Who knows – maybe Ms. Z and my new admirer know each other and I’m being set-up to test my integrity. Nope, not worth the risk.

Saturday 20th October: 2pm

We arranged to meet at 2pm at the train station, but Ms. Z decides to drive straight to the park instead. As a result, we end up on completely opposite ends of the park. We finally find each other at about 2.20pm.

Lunch goes well. Conversation is interesting as usual, and the more I get to know her the more I believe we have the makings of a very good friendship. And I’m still attracted to her. I know that sounds like an odd thing to say, but trust me, I’ve been known to lose interest in ladies quicker than you can say ‘what happened’; so, all signs are looking splendid!

It’s been so long since I went for a walk in the park with a someone I like. In-fact I’m fairly sure I haven’t done so since my early twenties! It really is the simple things one cherishes the most. A walk in the park presents an opportunity to get to know one another in a little more depth – especially regarding certain characteristics. Nope, that’s my business, not yours.

3.45pm: Saturday 20th October

I walk her towards the car park and bid her farewell with a big hug. I want to kiss her but remember what she said about taking things slow, so I resist – just. I really want to walk her to the car so as to open the door for her, but it’s only the second date and I don’t want to be intrusive.

That lingering feeling of something ain’t quite right simply won’t go away.

Am I being paranoid?

Am I being over -analytical?

Or should I listen to what could be my gut instinct yelling at me?


Saturday, 20th October: 4.30pm’ish

Send a WhatsApp message to Ms. Z, – “So good to see you again. X “

Saturday, 20th October: 6pm’ish

Ms. Z replies – “It was good to see you too. X “

Saturday 20th October: 6.04pm

Hmmm…not so sure about her reply. Seems a little off.


Sunday 21st October

Absolutely nothing!! Not a word from Ms. Z. But I won’t stress about it. Besides, if it’s meant to be it will happen. But shouldn’t I at least make an effort?! At least say hi?

Naa, she wants to take it slow. I’ll leave her alone.

Are you sure, Segs? What if she’s expecting you to get in touch?

No, Segs! You’re being paranoid. Enjoy your day with family, let her enjoy hers, and stop thinking too much. Leave her be!

Monday 22nd October: 8am

I decide to reply to my Eastern European admirer, only to find that my twenty-four-hour window has expired. Damn!! But thankfully remember that I’m in the middle of a two-week free Bumble Boost trial, so all is not lost. I send her a message she probably won’t reply to, either as a result of waiting too long or more likely because she’s lost interest and moved on. One thing I’m starting to realise about online dating – if you snooze you lose.

Monday 22nd October: 9.50am

Send message to Ms. Z. – Ask her how she is and in answer to a question she asked me on Saturday, tell her the type of dog I want is a miniature Schnauzer.

The chat isn’t all that and doesn’t take long to fizzle out. Something is definitely not quite right. But I’m a firm believer in what will be will be.

Time to move on.

Tuesday, 23rd October

Still no reply from my Eastern European admirer. I snoozed, and I obviously lost. lol

Thinking of registering on Affiny dating site.

Should I?

Have I succumbed to the deceptive but inevitable pull of online dating being just an ongoing game played on several different platforms with the slimmest chance of landing the jackpot?



  • October 27, 2018

    Tinuola Iyamah

    This is getting more and more intriguing… I’m glad you’re not giving up… x

  • October 29, 2018


    Enjoyed this 🙂 similar experience that I have had in the past with online dating! But some people must have success or sites wouldn’t be popular and the whole thing would fizzle out no?
    Wondered if you have considered speed dating?