After reading last week’s post, a friend of a friend called me out of the blue to give her view on that somewhat overused term, ‘soul-mate’.

Her: “Hi Segun, I’ve just read this week’s post, and I thought I should call to clarify what a soul-mate is.”

Me: “Great! Please feel free.”

It’s a long quote, so for the sake of time I’m giving you just a small part of it.

‘The most sophisticated technology on the planet is the human body, and the second is the pharmacy within us………….if you work hard on yourself, your development and your pharmacy within, amazing things should come to you.’

Farzana Khan

My interpretation – be true to who you are and develop (who you are) ; not who your friends, the world, your mentor, pastor, parents, or anybody else tells you to be, and the universe will conspire to ensure the right person (for you) – your soul mate – comes your way.

Whilst considering my ‘single’ status some weeks back, it occurred to me that unless I drastically alter my mindset I could quite possibly be doomed to a lifetime of singledom. But what frightened me most was the fact that I felt there was something seriously wrong with me.

Again, better I show you, rather than tell.

Well go on then, you know how this works.

Yes, you! Get on with it!

Enter my mind. Haven’t got all day!

Welcome

‘What am I going to do about this? How do I avoid a lifetime of being single? I’ve tried online dating, all-be-it rather half-heartedly, and proved to be nothing short of hopeless at it. But what other choice do I have? Yes, fate can do it, but nothing’s gonna happen if I just sit at home twiddling my thumbs waiting for a miracle.

Get real Segs! God isn’t going to beam your wife or partner into your home!

Fine, I’ll give online dating another go. This time I’ll go all out – seek advice and learn to play the game properly. Hope I don’t start enjoying it too much though. In-fact, rule number one – looking for a long-term relationship – no hook-ups of any sort, no matter how tempting.’

This Week’s Activities

Friday, 26th October: 7pm

What on earth is going on?

Nobody has even hinted at liking me on any of the online dating apps I’m using. I’m still reasonably handsome aren’t I!?

Or is it my profile?

I wonder if other people go through such dry spells. My cousin tells me it’s a game of numbers – that I should just keep swiping. But no matter how many times I swipe right I’m still not getting any matches! And the more I swipe the more I feel as though I’m sampling commodities. Just doesn’t feel right.

Friday, 26th October: 7.20pm

Call Naresh to ask for advice. No answer.
Lying on my bed wondering whether to go out. After-all it’s Friday night and I have nothing planned for Saturday, so a few drinks and a late night won’t do any harm.

In-fact I think I need it.

Friday, 26th October: 7.30pm

Right, shower and get ready to go out. Hang on, I’m going for a run tomorrow morning. And it’s much colder now so I need to be in good physical condition. Saturday morning runs are the highlight of my week. Nope. Staying in.

Friday, 26th October: 8pm

Naresh calls.

Me: “Mate, sorry to disturb you, but do you ever go through periods in which you don’t get any interest at all?”

Naresh: “What are you on about mate? Interest about what?”

Me: “Online dating platforms. I haven’t had anyone like me for over a week. Is that normal?” (I’m expecting him to make me feel better by telling me it’s perfectly normal and that I should be patient, but his reply doesn’t alleviate my panic in the slightest).

Naresh: “Not really mate. You should be getting at least a couple every week. Maybe you need to work on you profile.”

Me: “Yea, I think you’re right. Cheers bro.”

Now I wish I hadn’t called him. Feel positively worse. But he’s right. Need to work on my profile.

Friday, 26th October: 8.30pm to 9.30pm

Work on Bumble profile. Change a couple of pictures and pen something a little more interesting – at least I think it is anyway.

Friday, 26th October: 9.30pm to 10.30pm

Watch one and a half episodes of Dare Devil, season 3. Michael’s right – it’s a damn good season. But all the while a part of me continues to wonder why the message sections on my dating apps continue to read empty.

Saturday, 27th October: 6am

Running time!
Whoa! Temperature is 2 degrees?!! Think I’ll wait a couple of hours before setting off. In the mean-time, I’ll register on Affiny.

Saturday, 27th October: 7am

Still answering questions on Affiny. How long do these bloody questions go on for??

Saturday, 27th October: 7.15am

Thank heavens that’s over!! Wait a second – Affiny doesn’t have an app??
You’ve got to be kidding! If they think I’m happy to keep having to log-on every time I want to use their service, then they’re obviously terminally deranged. Can’t believe I’ve wasted over an hour on this.

Saturday, 27th October: 7.30am

Result!! A new admirer on Bumble, at last!! Ahh, not that attracted to her at all. But she likes me, that’s what matters. No harm having a chat. At least I’ll be chatting with someone.

Saturday, 27th October: 8.30am

Run time! Yipee!!! Siri, what’s the temperature outside?

Still 2 degrees????

Hmmm…is this run absolutely necessary? I did go for one on Thursday. Of-course you’re flipping going for a run, Segs! Stop being a sissy. And besides, you’ll warm-up quickly.

Saturday, 27th October: 10am

Superb run! Wasn’t cold in the slightest. Feel amazing!! Gboyega was right – running in cold temperatures is strangely refreshing.
Right, switch off airplane mode and make myself available to the world again.

A message from Ms. Z. Very unexpected.

Saturday, 27th October: 10.20am

After reading Ms. Z’s message it’s quite clear that romance is unlikely at this stage, but I’m glad we can be friends. Will definitely stay in touch.

Saturday, 27th October: 3pm

Interesting convo with a good friend of mine. But should I relate it in its entirety? To do so will no doubt result in stern frowns being sent my way from some ‘holy’ and ‘righteous’ individuals.
Sod it, there’s so much pretense and hypocrisy these days that I’m sure a fair few will appreciate some straight-talking.

Me: “Bro, I’ve just realised I’ve been celibate for over seventeen months! Not sure whether to laugh or cry.”

Friend: “Sorry mate. Maybe you should join Tinder.”

Me: “Nope. Can’t risk it.”

Friend: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I write Christian articles, so the last thing I should be doing is looking for hook-ups.”

Friend: “Agree. No need to be called-out.”

 

Saturday, 27th October: 7pm

Hmmm….I guess I could re-join Tinder and ensure I stay away from hook-ups. Could bring some new opportunities, so to speak. Yep, stuff Affiny, bring on Tinder. Besides, I’ve heard at least two examples of married couples that met via Tinder. I’ll give Tinder another try.

Saturday, 27th October: 7.10pm

Register on tinder (for the second time) and start swiping with renewed energy and zest.

Saturday, 27th October: 7.20pm

A match, a match, thank the good Lord for a match! And she’s pretty. Thank you, Tinder. Finally, some hope.
I send her a message.

Saturday, 27th October: 7.40pm

Still no reply. Hope this doesn’t turn out to be like a Bumble match. Still haven’t received a message from my Bumble admirer. Not that I’m particularly bothered, but it’s the principle.

Saturday, 27th October: 7.45pm

We have lift-off!

But wait…she very clearly states in her profile that she’s not interested in short people or smokers. I wonder if a fairly tall 5.6″ will suffice. Hey, 5.6“ is NOT short! Not in my world anyway. Better to let her know and be done with it – plus the fact that I smoke cigarettes socially – actually, who am I kidding?! I look forward to my daily post work, post dinner and pre-bedtime fag. Three-a-day isn’t so bad, right? Hey, don’t judge. I don’t booze, and I don’t chase women. It’s my only vice!!

Saturday, 27th October: 7.50pm

She’s okay with my height, so long as I don’t complain when she wears high heels; and she can tolerate my only vice – just, so long as I don’t smoke anywhere near her. Decent start. Worst case scenario, if the friendship develops, I’ll switch to vaping.

Saturday, 27th October: 9pm

Still chatting with my new friend. I shall call her Ms. I (for Intriguing). What we chat about is none of your business. Just be rest assured that I am well and truly interested, intrigued, and excited.

Saturday, 27th October: 10pm

Hang on! I’m supposed to be completing season 3 of Dare Devil tonight. This convo is seriously encroaching on my bingeing time. But then again, who cares. Ms. I is proving to be excellent entertainment – direct, funny, and intelligent. Perfect!

Saturday, 27th October: 10.15pm

Another match on Tinder! I’m on a roll!
I really shouldn’t chat with her whilst chatting with someone else. Still not okay with that. But then again maybe I should stop pigeon-holing myself and freely chat with as many people as I want until I’m sure I’ve found ‘the one’. Besides, everyone else is doing the same so why shouldn’t I?! New rule – continue chatting with other people until the fifth date with the same person, and only if she and I mutually agree to stop looking elsewhere. That’s reasonable, right? Good. Glad you agree. And those of you that don’t should keep your thoughts to yourselves.

Saturday, 27th October: 10.20pm

Send new match a message. We chat a little, until I realise the convo is actually an unwanted distraction from my focus on Ms. I.
Gently let it fade.

Sunday, 27th October

My Sundays are very precious to me – church, Sunday lunch, afternoon nap, binge on BBC iplayer (yep, Sundays are strictly for BBC iplayer only), then start thinking about the upcoming week’s work targets from 6pm. Every Sunday, like clockwork.

But today is different. No Sunday lunch, and very little time spent with my darling BBC iplayer. Rather, I spend the entire day chatting with Ms. I, and hence my entire Sunday routine is royally kicked into touch! Although because I’m not feeling too well, I do manage to fit-in my afternoon nap.

Sunday, 27th October: 7.30pm’ish

Not feeling too well at all. Need to go to bed early so that I’m okay for Monday. Say an early goodnight to Ms. I and wish her a good week ahead.

Sunday, 27th October: 8pm

I have a new admirer on Hinge. And she’s very cute! But not in the physical state to start a convo with anyone. Feeling way too rough.

Monday, 27th October: 7am

 

Feel even worse than I did yesterday. Better buy some medication.

A message from Ms. I.

Don’t even think about reading it, Segs. You have a busy morning ahead, so you can’t afford to be distracted. Read it after your 9am meeting.

Monday, 27th October: 10.30am

Ahh, she wants to know if I want more kids. I most certainly do, but I suspect she doesn’t, so it’s probably the end of the road for this particular online dalliance.

Monday, 27th October: 1pm

As suspected – I want more kids but she doesn’t. Totally respect her wishes, as she does mine. Just one of those things. Wasn’t meant to be. Such a shame though. Really enjoyed chatting with her. But what isn’t meant to be simply ain’t meant to be. This wanting more kids thing is proving to be a bit of a challenge. Third time it’s happened. Maybe I should change the age-settings.

Monday, 29th October: 2pm

Send a message to my new Hinge admirer.

Tuesday, 30th October: 10am

Still no reply from my Hinge admirer. Looks like I snoozed and lost again.

Tuesday, 30th October: 12pm

Ms. I and I have decided to still meet-up next weekend. But she’s made it very clear she will not be changing her mind about not wanting more kids.

Am I being open-minded or just plain foolish?

 

 

 

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